I have had my fair share of failures in the love department: my main issue was chasing jerks regardless of the constant red flags being tossed at me. It’s difficult to survive in the dating world, especially if you’re seen as too nice. At one point, I found myself losing hope. I knew personally for myself that I couldn’t play the game. I didn’t like the thought of leading on a guy, only to crush him because another guy did it to me.
A few months ago while I was organizing my room, I discovered an old journal that I used to write in when I was younger.
Lord, I was something else.
Many of my entries consisted of insecurities about my body: this wasn’t good enough, that definitely wasn’t good enough. I also wrote down the hurtful things that bullies said would say to me. Looking back to it now, it appeared as if I was a hypocrite—here I was complaining about bullies, but I was being one to myself.
Tracing back to a few months ago, I was ecstatic to leave everything behind. Each and every day felt the same, no spontaneity whatsoever. I earned my bachelor’s degree in television production and it was very difficult to find work related to my major. I didn’t feel like I was living—I was surviving.
In my years of ‘study,’ there is one type of person that I can never seem to understand: the lukewarm person. I am sure almost everyone has dealt with such a person. They will walk up to you, appear as if they are happy to be in your presence, but the very next time you see him or her, suddenly you feel like Patrick Swayze in “Ghost.” In other terms, you are invisible to them.