Lukewarm People: Are They Your Friends Or Not?

I maybe should have been a psychology major. I find myself trying to solve people; making it a mission to decipher their words, actions, thoughts, etc. Yes, I admit that this can be a bad habit, but it’s just the way I am.

In my years of ‘study,’ there is one type of person that I can never seem to understand: the lukewarm person. I am sure almost everyone has dealt with such a person. They will walk up to you, appear as if they are happy to be in your presence, but the very next time you see him or her, suddenly you feel like Patrick Swayze in “Ghost.” In other terms, you are invisible to them.

Whenever this would happen to me, my inner Nancy Drew would come out:

Why would they just walk past me? Weren’t we just talking and joking around the other day? Well, maybe they didn’t see me? They DID look me in the eyes though. Wow…

I once heard my father say, “I used to be so bothered by lukewarm people. It’s like, let me know if you want to be my friend or not, so that I know how to act when I see you.”

And that is the truth. It used to bother me so much because I never knew how to act around these types of people. Are they my friend or not? Why do they even waste their time talking to me? Why do I waste my time trying to make sense of this? I would even begin to wonder if I did something wrong, or if something was wrong with me.

But one day, I had to detach myself from this mindset and come to the realization that I am not to blame for other’s actions. If you have done no harm to someone and yet they are still acting funny toward you, then you have to tell yourself, “It’s not me, it’s you.”

I have some good news: those people who act wishy-washy with you, guess what?

Drumroll please…

You don’t need them. Simple as that.

Put this into perspective: If you did need them, don’t you think that God would have them remain in your life? This was a concept that took me forever to grasp, but it is the absolute truth. Yes, it hurts when someone who you thought you could build a friendship with, or even someone who you thought you had a friendship with, appears unsure if they want to be in your life. But while you are wrestling with your feelings, they are going about their merry way. Don’t you think that you should, too?

So to that swinging door that they keep walking in and out of- hold it closed. It is not fair to you. The next time that you see them, do not show any hints of anger or agitation, just simply say “hello” and go on about your beautiful day because you deserve it.

I hope that you realize that yes, people and their actions are mysteries, but please do not attempt to tackle an unnecessary project and try to solve them. It’s not worth your time. You’re more valuable than that.

Jessica HugheeComment